Day 10 and I want to drink

I knew I would eventually reach this day.  I always do.  I actually really want to do yoga, just as I wanted to do yesterday and saturday and friday and thursday…..Unfortunately, I have been so busy with after school work functions and kid functions that I have not been able to make a class since Tuesday night.  I cannot practice at home because my kids are too loud and disrupt me several times.  It makes me more stressed to try to practice yoga at home.

I can’t practice tonight because it’s halloween and the yoga classes are during Halloween time……So once again, I won’t be able to do yoga.  After several days of skipping yoga, I want to drink.  I am a physical person and I need to release energy, but my life isn’t conducive to that right now.

Oh how I wish I could practice yoga everyday…

Day 10 and struggling.

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day 6 and feeling good

This week has been nice.  I still remember how horrible I felt last Friday after getting drunk with co workers….it took me almost 3 days to recover.  Not just from the physical aspect but from the guilt and shame.  Prayer and yoga have been good to me this week so far.

Day 4 and feeling balanced

It’s day 4.  I don’t have much to say.  My husband and I are communicating, and that warms my heart.  It is so lonely when you aren’t close with your significant other.

I didn’t go to yoga today.  Frankly, I was worn out.  Hoping to get on the mat tomorrow.

Thank you God for another day sober.

day 3 and feeling good

I am still in the process of throwing away almost all of my material possessions.  They clutter my house, soul and mind.

This action is refreshing and liberating.  We live in such a materialistic world with mass amounts of unhappy, self-medicating people….all searching for that thing that will make them feel complete.

That thing is God.  No thing or person can complete us.

My husband and I are having problems.  It hurts so much to not be able to communicate what I feel to him.  It pains me to know he hurts, and I am not helping but making things worse.

I pray God will put a blanket over us, and heal our broken parts….heal our broken hearts….heal our faults.

I am going to yoga at 1:00.

Even though I am terribly sad, I am feeling good.

Thank you God for another day sober.

 

day 2…praying for God to guide me

My friend and coworker just texted me asking to go for a drink.  I said no and the truth is I have no desire to go drink.  It’s easy not to drink when you don’t want to drink.  Honestly, I am too sad and depressed to drink.

There is a distance between my husband and me since our last fight.  I feel so alone, and regret the things I said out of hurt and anger.

Everything I try to control in life ends up a complete disaster.  I’m praying for God to guide me, and for me to allow God to guide me.

I went to yoga this morning, and frankly I need to do yoga at least 6 times a week.  But, with a career in teaching, and 3 young children, there is literally NO TIME to do yoga.  I have to actively NOT DO STUFF I NEED TO DO in order to fit yoga into my schedule.

My house is so cluttered, that I can’t stand it anymore.  It’s just another physical sign that my life is out of control.

Today I began bagging ALL of it up.  I’m donating ALMOST all of my clothes and crap.  I don’t need that stuff.  It’s weighing me down.  Just like I don’t need this hurt and pain….It is also weighing me down.

It’s time to let go of personal things, tangible and abstract.

Thank you God for another day sober.